Chapter 734: Keep Your Voice Down! Deathblade's Thoughts

A Will Eternal

The first incident occurred at Little Wolfgod’s house. Little Wolfgod himself sat stock still and completely expressionless on a balcony, watching two soul cultivators dueling in the courtyard below.

Whoever prevailed in the duel would win Little Wolfgod’s favor, and would be able to join him as a follower.

To Little Wolfgod, it wasn’t a very important matter, but to the two cultivators involved in the duel, it was quite the opposite. That was especially true of the weaker of the two opponents, who was a middle-aged man named Zhou Chenwu. In fact, the duel was so important to him that he had bought a portion of high-grade soul medicine and consumed it right before the fighting started. That had pushed him to much higher levels of power.

The duel had been going on for some time when, all of a sudden, that Zhou Chenwu’s face suddenly flickered. Then he fell back, a look of complete incredulity on his face. He looked like he was about to say something, but before he could, his opponent moved in for the kill.

“Hold on, Li Linsen, I--” His opponent completely ignored him, unleashing a magical technique before Zhou Chenwu could even finish speaking. Zhou Chenwu anxiously dodged to the side, but that motion apparently put pressure on his abdomen, and as he moved away, a shocking phhhhhhrt sound echoed out.

In addition to the amazingly loud sound, Zhou Chenwu’s pants… suddenly expanded outward as if they were being filled with air or gas…. Moments later, the most noxious of odors imaginable began to spread out in the area.

Zhou Chenwu’s opponent Li Linsen was nearest, and was immediately blasted by the odor. Li Linsen had a Core Formation cultivation base, and would generally not be affected by toxic gases. However, this odor was so strong that his face fell, and he immediately felt sick to his stomach.

Everyone watching the duel was stunned, and Little Wolfgod, who had closed his eyes moments before, suddenly opened them and looked over in shock.

“What was that sound…?”

“This can’t be right. Cultivators of our level don’t eat food…. Unless… maybe Zhou Chenwu is using some kind of special divine ability?”

Most of the audience was simply looking on in wide-eyed shock.

As for Li Linsen, he had to suppress the urge to vomit as he angrily said, “What are you doing, Zhou Chenwu?!?!”

Face scarlet, Zhou Chenwu replied, “Let’s end things for today, Fellow Daoist Li. We can reschedule the duel for another day.”

Inside, he was nearly going crazy. Completely unsure of what was happening, he turned to leave, howling miserably in his heart. He could feel his abdomen churning, and could even hear loud gurgling noises coming from the same area, noises that were completely embarrassing.

“What’s going on? What’s happening?!?!” Even as Zhou Chenwu turned to leave, Li Linsen in his humiliation let out a shout and prepared to attack again. At this point, Zhou Chenwu’s back was to him….

“Stay away!” Zhou Chenwu shouted urgently. “I can’t hold it in!!”

But he was too late…. Li Linsen closed in and hit him on the back. At that point, Zhou Chenwu truly couldn’t hold on any longer, and a thunderous phhhhhhrt rang out, followed by a burst of some gaseous substance…. Before Li Linsen could do anything, the gas blasted into him.

The noxious nature of the odor was even more intense than the last time, and Li Linsen was even closer. A scream erupted from his mouth, and he tumbled backward miserably.

“You’re pushing things too far, Zhou Chenwu!!!”

Face burning red, Zhou Chenwu fled. As he went along, the phhhhhhrt sounds continued to echo out, and left behind clouds of gas the entire way….

It was only after he was gone that the soul cultivators back in Little Wolfgod’s home finally got around to reacting. When the noxious gas reached them, they immediately devolved into a hubbub.

“Was that… was that a fart?!?!”

“Zhou Chenwu must have done it on purpose!”

Chaos ensued, and Little Wolfgod was immediately enraged. And that was only the first incident. After the time it takes an incense stick to burn, there was a second incident somewhere else in Arch-Emperor City. Then a third, and a fourth….

The fourth incident was particularly shocking. In one bustling market in Borough 87, a beautiful female cultivator was surrounded by a cluster of male cultivators. The entire group was chatting merrily when, without any warning, the woman’s face fell, and a loud phhhrt sound escaped into the open.

The male cultivators all gaped in shock, and some blurted, “What was that sound?”

Then, an indescribably noxious odor caused all of their faces to flicker. As for the female cultivator, she simply couldn’t stop more thunderous phhhhhhrt sounds from exploding out….

It sounded like a booming drum originating directly from the female cultivator. Eyes went wide, and numerous jaws dropped. As for the female cultivator, she began to scream, and tried to prevent what was happening, but was completely incapable.

Phhhhhhrt! Phhhhhhrt!! Phhhhhhrt!!!

Clouds of foul, noxious gas spread out in all directions into the crowded marketplace, causing numerous shouts of alarm to rise into the air. Panic ensued as people scrambled to escape.

Such scenes played out not only in Borough 87, but also in Borough 88, Borough 86 and Borough 85. And even more incidents occurred in Borough 89.

Chaos spread as the phhhhhhrt sounds and the foul gas began to fill the city. Anyone who encountered that odor felt as if they were being infected.

Before long, clouds of gas covered large areas of the city….

And yet, the most unimaginable aspect of the disaster was yet to come. Soon, the soul cultivators with the upset stomachs found that after expelling the gas, they started having diarrhea. The lucky ones were struck by the diarrhea when they were alone. Unfortunately, many were out in the open. Soon… agonized shrieks of madness began to fill all of the areas near Borough 89.

“What exactly is going on here!?!?”

“This isn’t a sneak attack is it? It doesn’t seem like it is!!”

“Who did this? Who’s behind it!? I'm gonna kill ‘em!!”

Miserable screams and roars of rage filled Arch-Emperor City.

Bai Xiaochun soon heard about what was happening, and even saw a soul cultivator outside of his shop unleashing an overwhelming stench onto the street. As the foul gas spread out, people scrambled to avoid it.

Bai Xiaochun’s eyes went wide, and Bai Hao looked completely taken aback.

“Something’s wrong,” Bai Xiaochun muttered. “That smoke I added was supposed to cause diarrhea. Why is everyone farting…?” Nervous, he backed away from the gas, worried he might be infected. Then, his eyes went wide as he saw a second soul cultivator emitting phhhhhhrt sounds.

Before long, a third could be seen, and then a fourth….

In the time it takes an incense stick to burn, eight people on the street near his shop were all struck, and were sending foul gas out in all directions. Cries of alarm rang out as the passersby fell into pandemonium.

His next-door neighbors Sima Tao and Sun Yifan also looked on in shock, and quickly ascertained that the gas would be impossible to dispel. Both necromancers were very unsettled.

Suddenly feeling very nervous, Bai Hao looked out at the crazed populace, then turned to Bai Xiaochun and said, “Mas-Master… I'm pretty sure all of those people had high-grade soul medicine in their hands. Could it be that--”

“Keep your voice down!” Bai Xiaochun interrupted. Rushing forward, he slammed the door shut.

“Don’t tell me that I’ve gotten rusty at concocting medicine? It was supposed to be diarrhea. Why is everybody farting? That odor is almost unbelievably noxious!” Shaking his head gloomily, he thought back to all of the various accidents that had occurred back when he was into medicine concocting.

“I really didn’t do it on purpose this time…. Who would ever have thought that things would turn out so crazy!?” Heart pounding, he looked out through the door crack at the gas filling the street, and the fleeing soul cultivators. Some of them weren’t able to take the stench, and began to pass out. When Bai Xiaochun saw that, his fear mounted.

Trembling, he murmured, “That stench is so powerful! It affects everybody, regardless of their cultivation base….”

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Translator: Deathblade. (Follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Google+, YouTube, Pinterest)

Editor: GNE. Memes: Logan. Meme archives: Jackall. Chinese language consultant: ASI a.k.a. Beerblade. AWE Glossary. Xianxia-inspired T-shirts.

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Chronicles of Baby Deathblade: 

Hey everyone, this is somewhat of a followup story related to the issue I mentioned recently of staring. A few days ago I took BDB out into the main courtyard area of our housing complex to play with water guns. Now first let me say that there are a good number of families in our complex with kids around his age, and many of them are very cool. But there is one grandma who I find to be incredibly annoying. And that grandma happened to show up as we were playing with water guns, and started chattering nonstop somewhat along these lines: 

Grandma (To her grandkid): "Hey look at the big bro here. Say hi to big bro. (Then to BDB). Say hi to little bro. What are you playing with? (To her grandkid). Big bro is playing with waterguns. See? (To BDB) Say hi to little bro. Call him little bro. Can you play with little bro? Why don't you play with little bro? Can you speak Chinese?" 

BDB: "Yes." 

Grandma: "Oh, you can speak Chinese. That's great. Now say hi to little bro. Call him little bro. Can you play with little bro? Can you play with him? Why don't you share with him? How about the two of you play together?"

BDB: ".... Okay." And he actually tried to share the water gun with the kid, except the kid can barely walk and actually had no interest at all and just ignored him.

Grandma (To her grandkid): "See, big bro is playing with waterguns. Go ahead. You can play with them too. Just ask him. (To BDB) Is it okay if he plays with you? Call him little bro. Play together! You can both play. Call him little bro! Why don't you play together? (To her grandkid) Say hi to big bro. Call him big bro. (To BDB) Say hi to little bro. Call him little bro. Good. Can you play with him? Why don't you play with him?" 

Etc. Etc. The above interchange was in roughly 30 seconds of the initial encounter. At first BDB was actually pretty into it, and was talking to her in Chinese. But eventually he kind of got annoyed and just walked away. I went with him, and left behind our big bucket of water that we were using to fill up the water guns. Literally two seconds after we walked off, the grandma encouraged her kid to start playing with our water bucket, throwing the water around and stuff. I also had left my own water gun sitting nearby, and the grandma just grabbed it and started playing with it, which even in Chinese culture is not very polite. You should ask people before using their things. By this point I was pretty annoyed, and to top it all off, a crowd was forming in the area. So we ended our water gun session and went home.

Back at home, MDB was cooking dinner and I proceeded to vent a bit. "There was this really annoying grandma and a baby outside just now!" I said. Then I went on to complain more about the annoying grandma. At this point BDB interrupted.

"That baby not annoying," he said. "The other person annoying!" 

I was initially taken aback but had to agree. "That's right, the baby was not annoying. Just the other person."

But then I'm thinking, sheesh I shouldn't be teaching him to call people annoying. So I dropped the subject. But I was seriously annoyed by the whole thing, and a few minutes later started venting again. That was when BDB interrupted a second time.

"Daddy, no whining."

Me: "........."


And that is the end of the story. 

P.S. I'm sharing stories like this to that you guys can have a glimpse into our China life. I'm not soliciting parenting advice.