Chapter 191 Sonorous: Uneasiness Rakumon's Thoughts

Transmigration: Of Mysteries and Songs

Good fortune is bound to ensue after one survives a calamity.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

We must treasure those before us.

These were the three things Feng Luodi had heard the most in these few days.

Lady Feng often used the fact that she’d personally experienced it to advise her.

“I know that you want to find someone who treats you wholeheartedly. But, this person has already appeared, so what are you still waiting for? Once you miss this opportunity, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

The reason Lady Feng said this was simply because Feng Luodi had rejected the few marriages she had arranged for her with multifarious reasons before.

“Mother, this isn’t the right time, I’m waiting for that right timing.”

Feng Luodi always used this to brush off Lady Feng. Now that she thought about it, she was merely taking advantage of Lady Feng’s love towards her. She had always been a selfish person deep down.

As for Chamberlain Feng, as her father, he used the reason of ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’ to exhort her.

“He’d staged such an enormous ploy just to rescue you. As a father, I am ashamed that I’m inferior to him in this aspect. I already know about the Duke’s feelings towards you. The two of you should pick a date and settle the wedding.”

Whenever this happened, Feng Luodi could only smile.

“Okay, I’ll let Mother pick a suitable date.”

After that, she would proceed and handle her mother’s side.

Qi Jianqiu had long wished for Feng Luodi to get married earlier and give birth to a cute baby so that they can have an arranged betrothal between their children. She would also visit and persuade Feng Luodi.

“I always thought that I can stay by your side and protect you. Such a thought was ultimately still unable to surpass the might of Situ, that fellow. He’s the person before you that you must cherish. If the two of you are together, I can rest at ease and won’t have any regrets.”

However, Feng Luodi wasn't planning to get married.

Having known Feng Luodi for the longest, Qi Jianqiu suddenly detected that there was something amiss with her best friend.

“Luodi, it can’t be that you don’t want to marry Situ, right? You don’t like him?”

“I like him.”

Feng Luodi was very quick in admitting her feelings but purposely avoided the question in front. This kind of tactic was just nice for tricking people like Qi Jianqiu, which wouldn’t work if the person she’d wanted to deceive was Gan Qingjia.

“I always thought that understood the thoughts of women but I have never been able to guess your thoughts. Jianqiu even made fun of me because of this.”

“But you’re the only person who can’t abandon Situ. I don’t know what you have been using the Shadow Agents for recently, but no matter what decision you make, you can’t leave Situ.”

Feng Luodi thought: Gan Qingjia must have become muddled from working too hard, right? How could he spout such contradictory words? Didn’t he say that his eloquence was comparable to that of Jiang Moyin?

Jiang Moyin…

Feng Luodi ultimately understood that this person would forever remain as a painful wound in her heart. Regardless of whether she decided to stay behind or leave this place, this person became a thorn that she couldn’t pull out and a thorn she didn't wish to pull out.

Shangguan Yan finally decided to chase after Xue Yiqi again and whenever she was idle, she would drop by to visit Feng Luodi. Every time she came by, she would see Feng Luodi in her courtyard, playing the ‘Blue-Flower Porcelain’ on her zither over and over again. She couldn’t understand the reason behind this.

“It's going to be early autumn soon and the weather will get colder. Would a person like you, with no martial arts whatsoever, be fine wearing so little when sitting out here?”

“No matter how much I wear, it won’t warm me up.” Feng Luodi answered.

*Her heart couldn’t feel any warmth, so how could her body possibly feel the warmth?

“I can’t do anything about that. Yiqi, that honest fellow, doesn’t dare to ask you so I’ll do the asking instead. Do you not want to marry Situ?”

Feng Luodi didn’t answer. What answered Shangguan Yan was the sound of that mournful and melancholic ‘Blue-Flower Porcelain’.

The reason for everyone’s behaviour was mainly due to Situ leaving in a rage that day.

When the doctor had told her that she hadn’t recovered from her illness yet, a feeling of uneasiness crept into her heart, and when she raised her head, she saw Situ.

Situ was staring at her with a look that contained a swirl of unexplainable emotions.

At that moment, Feng Luodi lowered her head in silence. She was sure that she’d disappointed this man greatly. This man had joyously looked for her to discuss their marriage, yet here she was, grieving over another person.

But, a person’s heart was made of flesh.

Jiang Moyin had died. The Jiang Moyin who had been helping her ever since she’d arrived in the Xuan Kingdom had died. She was a human after all, so of course she would grieve over his death.

When there was only Feng Luodi and Situ left in the room, Feng Luodi calmed down.

She truly loved Situ from the bottom of her heart. She wouldn’t mind if she were to die in this place, but she didn’t want to stay behind in this place while shouldering another person’s death.

“You’ve fallen ill. Why didn’t you send someone to inform me?”

“It’s just minor flu.”

Since that last incident, Covert Guard Duo had received a grave injury and he was still recuperating at this moment. Feng Luodi also understood that Situ could be in danger at any moment, so she didn’t allow Situ to dispatch any covert guards to her side again. As for her own safety, she’d selected a few Shadow Agents with better martial arts and made them guard the Feng Residence.

Shadow Agents… Whenever Feng Luodi faced someone from this unit, she would think of their former master.

In the end, Situ restrained his emotions and he sat down beside Feng Luodi’s bed. He held her hand and furrowed as he asked, “Why are your hands so cold?”

“It's always like this when one is sick.” Feng Luodi tried her best to put on a smile. “You’re not sick, so naturally your hands won’t feel cold.”

“I can also get sick.” Situ suddenly said.

“What?”

Feng Luodi lifted her head and stared at him in shock.

“If you’re sick I will get sick. If you hide it from me, I will get sick. If you’re sad, I will also get sick.”

Situ uttered a string of words that didn’t conform to his appearance. “That’s why, Luodi…for my sake, you shouldn’t get sick.”

Feng Luodi really wanted to laugh. People would normally laugh when they hear their lovers say such touching words, right?

Yet, despite forcing a smile earlier, she just couldn't smile at this moment.

The inner chamber quietened down all of a sudden. It was an unbearable silence where one had nothing to say.

“Luodi, I came to discuss our marriage. On which date do you want to hold our wedding?”

In the end, Situ couldn’t hold himself back. He had always been very patient. Ever since he’d met Feng Luodi, whom he’d never been able to make sense of, he’d felt that she was a fleeting cloud that he couldn’t touch.

“Do you want me to choose a date, or you will do it?”

Feng Luodi asked in return, her gaze burning.

At this instant, Situ’s breathing became heavier and his gaze deepened.

“Luodi, what are you trying to say? Don’t tell me that you want to back out of this. Isn’t it a bit too late to back out now?”

When he said the last part, his voice was authoritative and his body emitted the aura of the General-in-chief of the Northern Army.

Hearing this, Feng Luodi finally smiled. Her smile carried a trace of repressed emotions and mockery, but she quickly steadied her emotions again. She didn’t want to hurt Situ.

“Nothing…if you’re going to fix the date, I’ll naturally follow your wishes. However, if you want me to do it, then I would like to put off the discussion for now, at least until after the Heir ascends the throne.”

Situ narrowed his eyes slightly as he looked at Feng Luodi.

“After the Heir ascends the throne? Before that, you would have already completed what you set out to do, right? Concerning that guqin named ‘Sonorous’.”

“Sure enough, you have sent someone to follow me.”

Understanding rapidly flashed across Feng Luodi’s eyes.

“Situ, I don’t want you to hate me one day, so there’s one thing I wish to tell you.”

Upon hearing this, Situ’s expression instantly turned grim.

“Those would definitely be words that will make me hate you.”

“Not necessarily.”

Feng Luodi smiled calmly but her words still sounded icy-cold and ruthless.

“The scenery at Penglai Island is truly too picturesque. Perhaps, I will return there one day.”

This wasn't a lie.

This was something she had always been indecisive about.

Situ’s hand that held Feng Luodi’s hand tightened but the latter didn't make a sound.

“You made such a decision just because that person is no longer around? I thought that you were already aware of my determination. Even if you were to descend to hell, I will pull you back from there.”

“It’s partly because of him and also partly because of you.”

Feng Luodi’s words could actually make Situ sink to hell.

“You knew?”

Situ’s words were straightforward. He then closed his eyes. He didn’t know if he pitied Jiang Moyin more or resented him more. Jiang Moyin’s passing actually became a thorn between Luodi and him.

“Yes, I knew.”

Feng Luodi’s tone was extremely tranquil but her heart was a mess.

She had used all ten days in the court prison to think things through.

What she pondered about the most was that if she were to die, she wouldn’t need to feel that she’d let down Situ by returning to the 21st century. She also wouldn’t need to face Jiang Moyin, the elder brother she was greatly indebted to.

But on the tenth day, she’d made it through unharmed. At that time, she’d truly planned to stay in the Xuan Kingdom. She’d thought that she would marry Situ and spend this lifetime with him while Jiang Moyin, her elder brother, would stay at her side for the rest of her life too.

However, the ending was not as ideal. Jiang Moyin had died.

He hadn't died as her elder brother but as someone who she was greatly indebted to and someone who loved her.

Feng Luodi personally felt that she was a very weak person and her heart couldn't bear this kind of emotional burden.

She had once thought that she was also very lucky to have come to the Xuan Kingdom. She had someone she was mutually in love with and an elder brother who doted on her.

Yet, when she learned that her elder brother took the blame for her because he loved her and the fact that he was someone she was greatly indebted to, she started to resent everything.

She knew that by doing this, she would hurt Situ.

But, she owed Jiang Moyin. If she chose to return to the 21st century, she would owe Situ.

Everyone became a burden to her choice and it was so heavy that she was unable to breathe.

If she returned back home, she would resent herself for choosing her parents and abandoning the person she loved the most in this lifetime.

If she didn’t return, she would resent herself for falling in love with Situ and not going back to take care of her parents.

She didn't wish to choose either outcome.

But, she was forced to make a choice.

“Situ, the feelings I owe you, the feelings I owe him, the feelings I owe Mother and Father, as well as the feelings I owe the people in Penglai Island…”

“Why am I the one who needs to choose?”

Even though Feng Luodi appeared to be on the verge of tears and even if his question would cause Feng Luodi’s heart to ache and would cause his own heart to ache, he still had to ask, “Can’t your feelings towards me prevent you from returning?”

Feng Luodi shut her eyes.

“Don’t let me resent you, Situ Muye.”

“I also don’t want to let you resent me.”

“I have no way to guarantee you anything, so I can only ask for your forgiveness regarding everything in advance.”

“I’m a selfish person. This is something you were aware of long ago. I will continue being selfish and my heart is too weak to bear any more burden.”

After all was said and done, Situ left in anger.

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Translation: Rakumon

Translation Check: Yuna

Comment from Yuna:

Poor Situ :(